


Brotherhood

by stereobone



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 05:50:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13001190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stereobone/pseuds/stereobone
Summary: For a long time, Thor thinks it's a dream.Or, Loki knows what he is all along.





	Brotherhood

For a long time, Thor thinks it's a dream. They're in their hundredth year. Odin has just graduated them to separate bedrooms, says they're almost adults now, and it's time they sleep alone. Every night since, Loki has snuck to Thor's room. The two of them huddle under Thor's bed covers together, giggling with the secrecy of it. Defying Father this way. Sometimes, Loki does spells, the covers glowing green, and Thor shakes with delight.

Tonight, Loki has not come. Thor waits, and an hour passes, and Loki doesn't show himself. Thor slips from his bed, feet pressed into the fur rug. He opens his chamber door slowly because he expects Loki to be waiting there with some trick for him—but the hallway is empty. His brother is nowhere in sight. Thor walks the short distance down the hall to Loki's chambers and knocks. There is no answer. Thor knocks again, then tries the door. It is open. As he suspected, Loki isn't in his chambers. His bed covers haven't even been disturbed. That's what gets Thor's guts twisting.

Loki has always been one for mischief, his own secrets, but something about the state of his bed leads Thor to believe he's in some kind of trouble. Thor's hair is tied back in a loose ponytail. He undoes the tie, then reties his hair tighter. He leaves Loki's chambers and sets out to look for him.

He is quiet about his search. It's not unusual for the both of them to be out at night together, always up to no good, but never apart. And if Loki is up to some mischief, Thor doesn't want Mother and Father alerted to it. He wants in. Thor exits their wing of the palace and checks the kitchens. There is no one. He walks quiet as possible through the large halls, every footstep echoing over the high ceilings. Thor gives a quick glance to the courtyard, but by this time, he thinks he has some idea of where Loki might be. He walks to the library. The door, as Thor had hoped, is ajar. 

"Loki," he whispers into the door.

No answer.

Thor slips in and squints. The library is dark, shadows of bookcases. Thor mazes through the rows and rows of them, breath caught in his throat. He can't shake his anxiety, and he doesn't know why. Loki always comes to the library, especially when he's looking to be alone, but something feels different tonight. Something is wrong. Thor rounds another corner and sees Loki sitting on the floor, legs pulled up to his chest. 

Only it's not Loki. At least, not Loki as he should appear. His skin is blue, that of a Jötunn. Two horns, barely as large as their forearms, protrude from his forehead. Thor stares. He has no idea what to do, so he says Loki's name, breathless.

Loki's head snaps upright, and Thor can see now he's been crying, red eyes filmy with tears, cheeks wet. 

"Thor," Loki says, then narrows his eyes, hisses. "Get out."

Thor can tell by the voice that this is his brother. He relaxes slightly. He does not get out.

"Loki," he says, noticing the text by Loki's feet. "This is a spell? Your magic has truly advanced."

Loki blinks through his tears, wide-eyed.

"I do not understand why you cry—this is a great feat indeed."

Finally, Loki nods very slowly. He turns his hand over and gazes intently at his blue palm. He looks back at Thor.

"This is a dream, brother," he says.

Thor cocks his head. 

"No," he says. "I'm most surely awake."

Loki stands then. He walks to Thor. Thor has the sudden urge to step back, but he knows that would anger Loki, so he stays his ground. He touches Loki's arm without thinking. The skin is cool, but doesn't burn. Loki flinches, eyes still wet. Thor doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why he feels afraid now, or why there's a spear of anxiety wedged into his chest. Why he wants to hold Loki close to console him.

"You are dreaming," Loki says.

Then he presses his fingers to Thor's forehead.

Thor wakes in his bed. He feels exhausted, like he hasn't slept at all. He yawns and sits upright just as a chambermaid enters to wake him. Thor sees her and remembers Loki. He leaps from bed. The chambermaid yelps as he runs past her. Thor skids to a stop outside Loki's chambers and opens the door without knocking.

Loki is dressed, pale-skinned as Thor remembers him. He looks cross upon seeing Thor enter his chambers uninvited.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks. 

"I thought…" Thor struggles to find the words. "Last night—I saw you—"

"You were snoring by the time I entered your chambers," Loki says.

He's mending a pair of breeches, and bites the leather tie to pull them tight. Thor watches, swallows.

"I was?" 

"Yes," Loki says. He does not look at him. "What in the Nine Realms are you going on about?"

Thor wants to argue, but. Perhaps it was a dream. Loki folds his breeches and tosses them onto his bed. He puts a hand on his hip and watches Thor, thin brows raised. Thor forces himself to smile.

"I had the strangest dream," he says.

Loki barks a laugh and goes to him. 

"Tell me while we break fast," his brother says.

Thor slings an arm around him. 

"Aye," he says, though he never gets around to it.

\-- 

Their three hundredth year, they go to Jötunheim in search of the Sword of Surtur. It is their first time beyond the royal grounds, and when Odin finds out he will skin them, but for now they have blackmailed the Warriors Three into the search with them, unless they want Thor and Loki to tell all of Asgard that their mighty quests are lies. Thor and Loki stowed away on their ship and found them at an outpost, drinking.

And so here they are in the frozen wastes of Jötunheim, where Thor thinks he may well freeze to death. They've been walking only mere minutes, and Thor's bones are already clacking together from cold. His furs feel like nothing. And Loki, leaner than Thor, must be faring far worse. Thor turns and sees Loki just behind him, though he walks as if it's springtime. Thor gawks. 

"Loki," he says. "How are you not frozen?"

Loki shrugs.

"Obviously, I am stronger than you," he says. 

His breath is visible, but that's the only sign he's even in the same realm as them. Thor jokes that such a thing is just not possible and leaves the subject alone. Loki has always been full of mysteries. He had been very, very against the idea of coming here. When Thor first suggested an adventure, the idea of sneaking away from Father and Mother delighted Loki. Thor could see the spark in his eye, the way his fingers twitched. But the moment Thor said Jötunheim Loki's face blanched. He told Thor he couldn't. He refused.

And Thor, being three hundred, being young and fool-headed and unable to see beyond his own wants, dragged Loki with him anyway. Loki still admires Thor above all else. He will listen to him. Thor knows this. And he knows why Loki must be hesitant—their treaty with the Jötnar is shaky at best. One wrong move could send them back to war. Neither of them wants that. 

In the end, a war is narrowly avoided, and Odin's anger nearly burns Thor's skin. He and Loki stand in the throne room, taking blow after blow of their Father's harsh words, until Odin finally slumps in his throne and tells them both he is just happy that they're both safe.

"Thor, go to your chambers. You've had enough adventure for one day," he says. 

Thor nods, content to listen now. He notices that Loki has not been dismissed. His brother looks sullen, from something beyond just Odin's words. Thor hesitates. He sees Mother enter the throne room, her eyes soft and sympathetic—and on Loki. Thor doesn't understand. He also doesn't get the chance to try. Odin gives him a harsh look and Thor hurries from the throne room at once.

Some time later, Loki enters his chambers, looking as he normally does—pleased with himself. Thor stands from his desk and pulls Loki into a hug. 

"What did Mother and Father want from you?" he asks. "Are you all right?"

"Please," Loki says. "I am fine. They were merely curious as to Jötunheim's landscape, and they know I observe far better than you."

"Liar."

Loki gives a mock gasp.

"I have never," he says. 

He pushes lightly at Thor's shoulder and smiles. 

"Come now, brother. Everything's fine, see?" 

"Indeed," Thor says, though it almost wasn't.

He cannot shake the feeling that something else has happened, but Loki does not speak about things he does not wish to speak about. Thor knows his limits. So he lets well enough alone. He goes back to sparring, to growing stronger, and Loki goes back to practicing his spells, to following Thor into trouble and convincing him to get into it. They do not speak of Jötunheim. 

\-- 

They bed each other for the first time in their five hundredth year. For Thor to say he hasn't thought on it before would be a lie. He has, more often that he will admit to himself. But too many things have stopped him from making some kind of move. For one, they are brothers. For two, they are _brothers._ That stops mattering the night of the summer solstice festival.

All of Asgard is alight with lanterns, strings of brightly colored flowers. There is music everywhere, and mead as well. Thor cannot quite recall having been so drunk before. He dances with everyone, anyone. He watches performances of Odin's past battles, slurring with happiness. Even Loki is smiling, eyes drooping slightly from how much drink he's had, though Thor can tell he's not as inebriated as him.

After the last dances finish, Thor stumbles upright and slings an arm around Loki. They tumble down the halls together, giggling, feet tangled. Thor nearly falls at the gardens, nearly takes Loki with him. Loki grabs for him. They fall into a wall together, Loki crushed against the marble. He leans his head against Thor's shoulder, laughing. His laugh reminds Thor of wind—so light, and it makes him shiver. When Loki looks up at him, Thor kisses him. He does not think about it, it just seems a natural thing to do. In his drunken haze, Thor doesn't realize what he's doing until he realizes Loki isn't kissing him back. Thor pulls away, gasping. 

Loki stares. His eyes are wide, lip trembling. Thor feels suddenly sober, the weight of what he's done crushing his chest. He turns and flees. He does not know how he makes it to his chambers, but he does. He splashes water on his face and leans into his hands. Thor can hear music around the palace still, and laughter. He wants to weep. So much ruined in just a moment, and it's his fault. Thor drags himself to his bed and buries his face in the pillows. Drunk as he is, he should pass out immediately, but he lays in agony, replying the moment over and over again in his mind. The look on Loki's face. He'll never forgive him. When Thor finally finds sleep, his dreams are black.

He wakes the next morning feeling no better, and with an awful hangover to boot. He refuses to leave his chambers. No one thinks much of it—they all know he drank quite a bit the night before. What Thor wants, really wants, is to see Loki and talk to him. He wants to explain. But what can he say? How could he possibly remedy this? He's afraid to try. So Thor sits in his chambers, feeling cowardly above all. 

That night, he takes a light supper in his chambers and a long bath. When Thor emerges from the bathing chamber, Loki is standing in the middle of his room, arms crossed. Thor sputters. He's only got a towel wrapped around his waist. He clutches the fabric, suddenly modest, as if Loki hasn't seen him naked thousands of times.

"Loki…" he says.

"Is this what Odin's heir to the throne is truly like, then?" Loki asks.

Thor feels a hot burst of shame in his gut. "Brother, please, listen—"

"To kiss his brother, and then leave him."

Thor fidgets with his hold on his towel. He can barely meet Loki's gaze, but he forces himself to. Loki is looking at him in a way he never has before. He looks afraid, looks hesitant. Thor swallows.

"Did you mean it?" Loki asks. "Or were you just that drunk?"

Thor can hear a tremor in Loki's voice. The slightest crack. He feels as if they're standing on a thin ice shelf, one wrong word, one wrong move, and the ice will crack and their relationship will be in ruins for eternity. Thor does not know what the right words are. He just knows what he feels. 

"I meant it," he says, voice as strong as he can make it.

It is no easy thing, to hold Loki's gaze, but he does. Loki inhales, open-mouthed. Time stops. One thousand fires could burn around them and Thor would not notice. He only sees Loki.

"Come here," Loki says. 

Thor does. He stops just before his chest touches Loki's. The two of them stand there, searching each other's eyes. Thor finally realizes that Loki wants this. He _wants_ this. Thor kisses him. This time, Loki kisses back, ravenous, shaking.

Thor finds it fateful that he's only wearing a towel. And Loki wastes no time undressing. Thor has seen him naked so many times, but there is something about seeing him this way now, aroused and slightly pink, that makes it feel like the first time. And Thor has had many lovers, both men and women, but this is Loki. This is different.

It isn't until he begins to press in that Thor realizes this is Loki's first time. He feels instantly guilty, cock barely sheathed inside.

"Loki," he says, trembling. "You've never—" 

"Be quiet," Loki says.

He has an arm thrown over his eyes, mouth bitten bloody and open. Thor still doesn't move. He watches Loki swallow.

"Please," Loki says. "I want. Thor, I—"

Thor releases him from speaking further with a kiss. He bottoms out, moving slower than he ever has before, listens for the first sound of pain to put a stop to this. But Loki groans at the pressure, vibrating against Thor. He sounds so…needy. Wanton. Thor didn't know Loki could sound this way. He's suddenly terrified he won't last very long. 

He lasts long enough. And then for a second round. And a third.

Later, they bathe together, plaiting each other's hair and running their fingers through, delirious from orgasm. Thor pulls Loki close to him in the bath, lips pressed to his cheek.

"I did not know," he says.

"Of course you didn't." Loki's fingers dance over Thor's bicep. "I didn't let you know."

Thor laughs and kisses him.

\-- 

Years pass. They do not stop bedding each other. It is a secret so well kept that if not for the nail marks and bruises left, Thor would doubt it happens at all. They grow apart in some ways. Thor is oft to battle, Loki home to be schooled in magic. When they are together, there is no one else, nothing else. And when they are apart, Thor feels the ache until he returns. He tells Loki often how he's missed him. Loki never returns the sentiment with words, but how fiercely he bites Thor lets him know—he's missed him.

They sit in an outpost tavern and Thor runs into some warriors from his last battle. Things have been quiet as of late as Thor readies for his coronation. Father has decided he is ready for the throne. Loki has been quiet about it. Thor can't keep himself from telling the warriors about his coronation, about his plans for Asgard.

"And of Jötunheim?" asks one warrior. Padraig, Thor thinks his name is. "We hear your peace treaty with them remains tentative."

Thor waves the concern away.

"They are but savage warriors," he says. "Their borders are sealed off. Give them no reason to fight, and they shall leave us all in peace." 

"Aye," says Padraig. "They are simple at best."

Next to him, Loki drinks his ale in silence.

Later, they take a room at the tavern and Loki has Thor fuck him from behind. They don't normally fuck like this. Thor likes to watch Loki take his pleasure, and Loki is far too vain not to have Thor watch. But tonight he turns his back. 

"Like I'm an animal," he says.

Thor obliges him, albeit hesitantly. Later, Loki sleeps silently beside him, and Thor thinks of a dream he had long ago for the first time in years. One where Loki's skin was blue. He shakes the memory away. He sleeps.

\-- 

Thor has never been to Midgard before. Not until he's banished there. Not until he nearly sparks a new war with Jötunheim after they snuck into Asgard on the day of his coronation. The days he spends on Midgard feel like years, and it's not until the threat of Father's death is imminent that Thor is brought back. But it is Loki who saves Father, it is Loki who slays Laufey. When Father awakens from his sleep and Thor arrives, Loki is in tears. He threatens to destroy Jötunheim, and Thor wants to go to him, but days before Loki had come to him and lied, said Father was dead. At this moment, he doesn't know his brother.

"Loki, be calm," Frigga says. 

He allows her to touch him. She pulls him into her arms as Odin takes back Gungnir. Thor stands there, helpless in Odin's chambers.

"Tell me what goes on," he says.

"Wait for me in the throne room," Odin says. "Go."

Thor hesitates. Loki is still in Mother's arms.

" _Go._ "

Thor flees.

\-- 

He is given most of a story. Loki let a group of Jötnar into Asgard to ruin Thor's coronation. Jealousy, Father tells him, and Loki did not think Thor ready for the throne. Thor knows now that he wasn't, but the betrayal stings worse than he can put into words. Loki has always been one for mischief. This is something else entirely. And trying to understand it makes Thor ache.

Loki had then granted Laufey access to Asgard, all with the intent of killing him. Had Thor not come back, had Odin not woken up, Loki would have likely destroyed Jötunheim.

"But why?" Thor sits with Odin in his chambers. The two of them hold goblets of mead but do not drink them. "Loki has never expressed such intense hatred for Jötunheim. Why destroy it?"

"Loki is troubled," Odin says. "He thought this is what I would have wanted. What you would have wanted."

Thor blanches. He's never been shy about expressing his distrust of the Jötnar. A few days ago, he'd been ready to kill them all with his bare hands. But it was not what he truly wanted. Thor regrets thinking that any of his words might have poisoned Loki into this.

"It is not your fault," Odin says, as if reading his mind.

He puts a hand on Thor's shoulder.

"Is Loki to be punished?" Thor asks. "I want to see him."

Thor tries to stand, but Odin holds him in place with his hand.

"Loki has been sent away."

"What!?"

Thor shakes off Odin's hand and stands. In his haste, he knocks over his goblet of mead, which spills thick onto the floor. Neither of them pays it any mind.

"You can't," he says, feels suddenly hysterical. "I haven't even spoke to him, I need to—"

"Calm down, boy, he isn't gone forever. I will not banish another son."

Thor calms, but only just. The thought of losing Loki is too much. Thor can't, he won't let it be. 

"How long is he to be gone?" he asks.

Odin sighs and folds his hands. "Until he wishes to return."

Thor asks where he's gone, but Odin shakes his head.

"You think I don't know my own son?" he says. "I know you'll only go after him. Leave this, Thor. You cannot help him now."

It's not an answer Thor is willing to accept, but one he has to. After he leaves Odin's chambers, he goes to Loki's. He knows he won't be there, yet some part of him still hopes. Loki's bed is empty, his chambers dark. Thor sits on his bed. He gathers Loki's bed covers in his hand and brings them to his face, inhales. He's missed Loki's scent. He misses him now, despite his betrayal. There is something Father is not telling him, Thor just doesn't know what.

The door to Loki's chambers opens. Thor drops the bed covers quickly and folds his hands. Frigga enters, illuminated by the hall torches. Thor smiles weakly at her.

"My darling," she says.

She sits next to Thor and presses his head to her breast. Thor weeps for the first time, openly. Frigga hushes him, her touch still as soothing as it has been since he was a boy.

"Loki will return to us," she says.

Thor nods. He believes because he has to. The idea of Loki not returning is unfathomable. Thor won't accept it. Eventually, Frigga leaves him be with a kiss to his forehead. Alone again, Thor feels it.

That night, he sleeps in Loki's bed.

\-- 

A month passing feels like a hundred years. Thor tries to make the most of the time. He trains, he helps write out treaties. He travels the Nine Realms in search of relics for Odin's vault. Every realm he goes to, he keeps the hope alive in his heart that he will see Loki there. He does not. Every night, Thor checks Loki's chambers to see if he's returned. He has not.

Thor asks after Loki often. Heimdall obliges. 

"Loki is well," he tells Thor. "He studies ancient magic. Spends most of his time alone."

"Who with?" Thor asks. "Elves? Dwarves?"

Heimdall smiles, eyes sparked golden as he gazes into the cosmos.

"You know I cannot say."

A month turns into two. Then three. Then six. Thor stops checking Loki's chambers. He's called to Midgard to fight some strange evil, and makes new friends there. He tells them about Loki. They do not seem to understand why Thor is so fond of him. Thor returns to Asgard. As he comes through the Bifrost, Heimdall tells him once again: _Loki is well._

Thor begins to hate time. He begins avoiding places Loki frequented so he won't be reminded of him. Thor takes on quests that hold no interest to him just so he can spend time away from Asgard. Loki's memory is stitched into every area of the place, and Thor can scarcely bear it. 

Ten months pass.

Thor returns home in the evening from a quest with Sif. She'd been assisting the Valkyrie and they assented to Thor's help. They spent weeks in battle with dark elves. Thor is exhausted. He bypasses Heimdall, Father, Mother, and goes straight to his chambers for a bath. He is covered in elf blood. Thor bathes for a long while, enjoying the quiet of Asgard once again. Soon, though, he knows he'll need to leave once more. Thor drains the bath and returns to his chambers to dress down for bed. He's only just dressed in his sleeping clothes when he senses there is someone else in the room with him. Thor spins around. 

It is Loki.

"Ooh," Loki says. "Your instincts have gotten sharper."

There is a long moment where Thor is convinced he has finally gone mad and is hallucinating his brother. He cannot move, cannot even speak. Loki has his hands folded behind his back. He cocks his head.

"Is this really the welcome you give to your long-lost brother?"

"Loki," Thor says. "Tell me it's really you."

"See for yourself," Loki says.

Thor rushes forward and grabs for Loki, fully expecting to grab only air. Except that Loki _is_ there. Thor pulls him into a fierce hug. He ignores Loki's squirms of protest and just holds him, face buried in Loki's shoulder.

"Thor, _Thor._ I'm suffocating." 

Thor finally relinquishes the hug, but not his hold. He keeps Loki close, afraid now if he lets go Loki will disappear again. 

"I did not know when you were to return," he says.

"No one did." Loki pauses. "No one knows I've returned yet." 

"Where were you?"

"Vanaheim." 

" _Vanaheim?_ "

Thor has been there only six times since Loki left. He had no idea. He hadn't heard even a whisper of Loki being among them. Thor says as much, angry and relieved all at once.

"I was high in the mountains," Loki says. "Concealed." 

"You did not wish to see me," Thor says, understanding.

Loki shakes his head. Holding him now, Thor can feel his bones. He wonders if Loki has lost weight. His cheekbones are sharper. To have been so close to Loki but not able to see him almost hurts worse. Thor cannot decide whether he's angry or happy or what. He decides on happy. Above all, he is happy that Loki is back. He had begun to think he would not see him again. 

"Why did you come back?" Thor asks.

"The elves had little else to teach me. I grew bored."

"You missed me."

Loki grimaces and wiggles out of Thor's grip. He paces the length of Thor's chambers, greatcoat trailing behind him. Thor wants to reach for him again but steels himself.

"Something troubles you," Thor says. 

Loki laughs. "I am always troubled, brother." 

"I know that Father did not tell me everything that happened last year."

Loki stops pacing. He keeps his eyes on Thor's floor, as if he's seeing something else, playing a scenario out in his mind.

"He did not," Loki says. 

Thor knew as much. He also knows that if anyone will tell him, it will be Loki. He has a feeling the thing is Loki's to tell. Loki looks up once more. 

"I need some wine," he says.

Thor fetches them some. It takes a great deal of convincing on Loki's part that he will not leave again for Thor to finally go and get them something to drink. Thor races to the kitchens and back, out of breath when he returns but relieved to find that Loki kept his word—he is still there. They do not use chalices. They pass the bottle back and forth as they did when they were boys and had stolen wine from the cooks. Loki leans against Thor's wall, one leg crossed over the other. Thor can only stand stiffly by the desk. Loki is silent for some time, until almost half the bottle of wine is gone.

"Loki, please," Thor says. "I cannot bear this."

"I will speak when I am ready," Loki hisses, though he clears his throat. "You had a dream as a boy that you saw me as a Jötunn."

It takes Thor a moment to understand. He hasn't thought of that dream in ages. What's more—he never told anyone about it.

"How did you know that?" he asks. 

Loki takes a long pull of wine. "You were not dreaming, brother."

"You can make yourself appear as Jötnar do," Thor says slowly.

"No," Loki says. "I _am_ a Jötunn." 

It isn't that Thor doesn't understand. It's that he cannot. Loki is his brother. Odin and Frigga are their parents. If Loki were a Jötunn, surely Thor would have known. 

"No," he says. "That was magic. You are my brother, Loki."

"I am _not._ " Loki's voice is fierce, tense as a bowstring pulled back. "You fool, don't you see? Odin found me abandoned as a baby after they won the war against Jötunheim. I am Laufey's son—left to die. Odin took me in and raised me as his own."

Thor feels drunk, though he knows he has not had that much wine. He stumbles into the chair of his desk, dizzy and reeling. It makes sense in explaining Loki's hatred of Laufey, why he killed him. And there were clues. Small things Thor can only piece together now. He had always known Loki was different in some way. But even still, it makes no sense at all.

"How?" Thor says. "When?"

"The night you found me in the library," Loki says. "I'd accidentally reversed Odin's illusion while I was studying an old text. I used a spell to put you to sleep and I confronted him shortly after. He told me everything."

"That long," Thor says. "And you never told me?"

Loki is still holding the wine bottle, and his grip on it is so tight now Thor is afraid he'll shatter it. He gestures wildly with the bottle, wine sloshing out.

"It is not something I owed to you," he says. "Why would I tell my beloved brother that I am actually the thing he hates most in the universe!?"

Loki falls silent. He puts the bottle on the desk as if it's caused all the issues between them. Loki's words rattle in Thor's head, threaten to shatter his skull. Of course Loki wouldn't have told him. Thor spent half his life speaking of the Jötnar as if they were nothing but mindless beasts. Most of Asgard did. If they knew—they'd probably hate Loki. 

"I could never hate you, Loki," Thor says. "You must know that."

Loki's continued silence tells him otherwise. He pulls absently at the pale skin of his palm, lips turned down. Thor's heart aches.

"When I was away, I accepted what I am," Loki says. "I have grown, brother, in my time away." 

"Loki—"

"Forget it," Loki says. "It is behind us." 

Loki slides the wine bottle toward Thor and encourages a drink. Thor obliges him. The bottle is empty now, though neither of them is in the least bit drunk. Thor will not take his eyes off Loki. It is not behind them. Thor stands, surer in his footing now.

"May I see you?" he asks.

Loki pales. "What?"

"May I see you, as you truly are?"

"Do not ask things you do not truly wish for," Loki says. His voice is dangerous.

"I am perfectly serious, brother. Let me see you."

Thor keeps a safe distance. He knows Loki is not above stabbing him for overstepping. The moment stretches too long between them. Loki watches him carefully, and Thor still refuses to look away.

"All right," Loki says finally.

Thor cannot even say _thank you_ before Loki's skin washes blue. It is just as it was when Thor found him all those years ago, though his horns are longer now, curved up to the sky. Loki smiles, teeth bone white against his skin now.

"Satisfied?" he says. His eyes are so red. 

"Almost," Thor says.

He rounds the desk. Loki takes a step back, but Thor reaches out and catches him with one hand, pulls him closer. He kisses him. Loki's lips part, but he jerks back shortly after.

"What are you doing?"

"It's been an age since I've kissed you," Thor says. He nuzzles Loki's cheek and finds the skin cool. "Since I touched you."

Loki's hands are digging into his arms.

"You do not have to do this," he says. "Stop." 

"Loki," Thor says. "You're beautiful."

" _Stop._ Please."

Thor pulls back. Loki looks terrified, angry. He looks like Thor has just tried to kill him. 

"Do not lie to me, Thor Odinson," he says. "Not you."

He tries to pull from Thor again, but Thor holds tight, even when Loki slams his heel into his foot.

"I would dare not," he says. "Loki, I dare not lie. I mean it."

Loki doesn't seem to expect to the sob that escapes. It shocks him. He curtains his hands over his face, but it doesn't stop the tears. Thor says nothing. He walks them to the bed, and Loki allows this. They sit together, Loki quietly crying. Thor brushes his hair back, careful to avoid his horns. He waits until Loki has calmed some, shoulders no longer shaking with the force of his weeping.

"You are beautiful," Thor says again. "And you are my brother." 

Loki lets his hands fall away. His eyes are bright and red, but calm. He looks less like he might stab Thor at any moment.

"May I?" Thor asks.

"If you must."

Thor touches his horns. They, too, are cool, drier than the skin and hard.

"Can you feel that?" he asks.

"I am aware of it," Loki says. 

Thor nods and traces the markings along Loki's forehead, his cheeks and jaw. He is aware of Loki's hands and the way they clutch at his arms, though he is not sure Loki is. Thor moves slowly, carefully. Loki is always in control, despite what anyone looking in might think. If he wishes to stop this, he will.

"I regret," Thor says, "ever having made you hate this form."

Loki clicks his tongue. "Do not give yourself so much credit." 

Thor decides it is safe enough to kiss him again, so he does. And he's correct. Loki kisses back, and it's clear he's tired of holding back. He pushes himself into Thor, mouth open. Thor hasn't lain with anyone since Loki's departure, and he's fairly certain Loki hasn't either. It's a miracle they've managed to hold back this long at all. Thor pulls at Loki's clothes, untying leather with deft fingers. Loki pulls back, just barely.

"I can—"

"No," Thor says. "I enjoy undressing you." 

Loki rolls his eyes but allows Thor to continue. He gets Loki naked in an impressive amount of time. In turn, Loki rips Thor's tunic off him and pants off him, the fabric in tatters. They roll onto the bed, Loki on his back. Thor leans back to see him, really see him.

"Stay this way," he says. "Please."

Loki looks unsure. Thor can tell he is still uneasy, and he will do anything to take that from him. Loki, the Jötunn runt, Loki his brother, Loki his lover. There are none in this life more important to Thor. He intends to make that known.

"Loki," Thor says. "I would have you as you are. If you will allow it."

Loki pupils are blown but Thor can see the red so clearly, the indecision. A moment later, Loki fists his hand in Thor's hair and pulls.

"Show me how you worship me," he says. 

Thor's mouth waters. He attaches his lips to Loki's neck, intent on sucking a bruise there, body pressed flush against Loki's. His skin is cooler in this form, and Thor loves the way it feels against him. His own skin feels overheated and tight. Loki tangles his fingers in Thor's hair and lets his nails prick Thor's scalp, pulls him up for another deep kiss.

"I've missed you," Thor says into his mouth. "So much."

He breaks the kiss and trails his mouth down Loki's body—clavicle, chest, belly. He tongues the ridges and grooves of Loki's Jötunn markings, delighted to see Loki still has his wiry black pubic hair. Thor inhales the scent of him and then takes Loki's cock in his mouth. Loki cries out, and it's clear he did not mean to let the sound escape his mouth. His hands tighten in Thor's hair, hips canting.

Thor sucks him leisurely, knows if he gives too much Loki will spill early. He takes Loki all the way down his throat, tongues the underside of his cock and listens to Loki's breath hitch, the curses that threaten to spill from his mouth. 

"Thor," Loki says. " _Thor._ "

"I know," Thor says. 

He pulls back and grabs the oil from his side drawer. Loki is tighter than the last time Thor had him, so he moves slowly, fingering him open with two digits until Loki hisses with impatience.

"If you are even thinking of coddling me—"

Thor laughs and gives him a third. Loki keens, head thrown back. His legs are shaking now, and Thor can hardly wait. He slips his fingers out and sits, slicks his cock once and presses his thumb against the head.

"Come on, brother, sit on my cock," he says. "Let me see you."

Loki sits up and crawls to him and looks absolutely wicked. It's the only word Thor can think of, as if he knows he's Thor's ruin and is reveling in it. Loki settles onto Thor's lap and they work Thor's cock into him together, Loki's mouth dropping open when he finally settles onto the girth of it. For a moment, Thor sees stars, Loki is so tight, asshole syrup warm. Then he snaps his hips and Loki says, "Yes," and starts moving with him, hips rolling.

"How does it feel?" Loki asks. "Fucking your Jötunn brother?"

"Wonderful," Thor says, helpless.

Loki's ass slaps against his thighs and Thor isn't sure how long he'll last at this rate. He holds Loki's hips, thumbs pressed into the hipbones. He catches Loki's gaze and they watch each other until Loki seems to get embarrassed and looks away. Thor catches his jaw and turns him back.

"You're amazing," he says. "I love you, Loki. I worship you. I would have you like this every night."

"Yes," Loki says. "Thor, _yes._ "

Thor knows when he gets the angle right because Loki starts moaning, little hitched breaths of pleasure.

"Say you love me," Thor says. "I need to hear it."

Loki bites his lip, stubborn, so Thor pushes them forward until Loki is on his back, and starts fucking him harder, hips pistoning. Loki's legs are split around Thor's waist, hair pooled like ink on the pillow.

"Loki," Thor says. "Let me hear it."

"You sentimental— _oh_ , Thor, there. Fuck." 

Thor comes sooner than he wants to. Loki is just so tight, he can't help it. He spills deep into him, face buried in Loki's collarbone. He bites lightly at the skin there, mesmerized by the deep blue bruises that bloom in the wake of it. Thor gives himself a moment to catch his breath, Loki's hands loose around his neck, then he pulls out and rolls Loki over. Loki allows this, but he looks at Thor over his shoulder.

"What are you—?"

Thor answers him by spreading Loki's ass and licking at his hole. Loki's words dissolve into a deep _Oh,_ body shivering. Thor can taste himself in Loki, and the more he spreads his ass, he can see his seed leaking out. Thor catches every drop, pushes some back in with his tongue. Loki presses back against his mouth, shameless. Faintly, Thor can hear the bed covers rip.

"Thor," Loki says. "I'm close."

Thor reaches around and strokes Loki's cock. Loki starts chanting his name, then something in a language Thor can't understand. Eventually, Loki's body tightens, and that's when Thor hears it.

"Love you," Loki says, voice hoarse. "Damn you, Thor, I—"

He comes, hard. Thor hears him collapse onto his elbows, feels him spill. He eats him out through it, until Loki is shaking and kicking him away.

"Enough," he says. "You animal."

Thor laughs and wipes his mouth. He crawls back up the bed so he can pull Loki into him. Loki has always pretended he is not one for snuggling post-fucking, but he never complains when Thor holds him. And it feels good now, with Loki's skin so cool, to have him pressed against Thor. He looks positively livid at how good his orgasm was. Thor kisses his temple.

"I am glad to have you back," he says.

"I am glad to have finally been fucked," Loki says.

Thor laughs into his hair. They settle for a moment, a good silence between them for the first time in so long. Loki holds up a hand between them and stares at the skin there. Thor grabs that hand, he kisses it.

"I meant what I said, brother."

Loki gives him an oddly fond look.

"You still call me brother?"

"You still are," Thor says.

Loki brushes his hand over Thor's cheek.

"Fool," he says, and does not sound angry about it.

\-- 

In the morning, Loki looks Æsir again. Thor says nothing. He knows when to push Loki.

Loki makes his return known to Mother and Father that morning, Thor standing behind him in the throne room. Frigga holds Loki's hands in her own, tears welling in her eyes.

"Let us put this behind us now, my son."

Loki nods, throat bobbing.

He leaves so Thor can speak with Mother and Father. Thor tells them that he knows, now. He knows everything. He's angry at them for not telling him, but he understands. At least, he's trying to.

"I am glad you still think of Loki as your brother," Odin says. "Even if it is not by blood."

"Yes," Thor says, then the realization of that comes speeding into his brain so fast he feels dizzy. Loki is not technically his brother. Adopted, yes, but they share no blood. And when Thor is king one day…when he chooses to marry…Thor kisses Frigga and Odin's cheeks before excusing himself.

Thor finds Loki later in the library, and it is a welcome sight. Loki has a favorite nook, and it has not changed in hundreds of years. Thor takes a seat next to him, their knees brushing.

"What are you doing, brother?" he asks.

Loki does not look up from his book. "Reading, obviously."

"Will you ever tell Asgard your true parentage?"

Loki slams the book shut. He gives Thor the most incredulous look, one neat eyebrow raised. 

"Did you lose your mind when you fucked me last night?"

"Loki, they will accept you. You are their prince."

"No," Loki says sharply.

He gives Thor an apologetic look. He feathers his fingers across Thor's jawline.

"No," he says again, gentler now. "You think too highly of them."

"And you too poorly."

"Maybe so."

Loki opens his book again and continues reading. He licks his finger and turns the page. Thor peeks and sees a language he doesn't understand. There is so much about Loki that Thor still does not understand. He slides his hands under Loki's book and pulls it out from under him.

"Thor, please, I am _reading_ —" 

Thor kisses him, chastely. When he pulls back, Loki looks only vaguely annoyed. 

"Speak your piece, brother," he says. 

"I believe that one day, we will bring about an alliance with Jötunheim, you and I," Thor says. "If you would have me." 

Loki snatches his book back. He looks angry now, but there is a hint of a blush on his cheekbones. Thor can't help himself. He means it.

"Would you have me?"

Loki ignores him, though he doesn't ask Thor to leave, so, Thor waits. An hour passes. Thor could pass out from the boredom, but he holds vigilant, content to feel Loki's knee against his. Finally, Loki slams the book shut. Thor perks up. But Loki says nothing. He stands, returns the text to its original location, and begins walking away. Thor scrambles upright to follow him. His can feel his heart in his throat. Suddenly, Loki stops in his tracks and spins around.

"I would have you," he says, then turns back around and keeps walking.

Thor stands there, stupefied for a long moment before his brain processes what's happened. Then he jogs to catch up to Loki, falls in step with him. He's unable to keep the dimpled smile from his face. Loki rolls his eyes, but when Thor reaches out and tangles their fingers together, he does not pull away.

They walk to Thor's chambers in silence.

**Author's Note:**

> Totally inspired by [this artwork](https://twitter.com/tmsla1090/status/940422282484236288). I wish I could somehow translate this for them...
> 
> I wrote this all today because I was so inspired, sorry if I missed any typos. 
> 
> on twitter @stereoroo

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Brotherhood (Japanese translation)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17717591) by [Sarah_translator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah_translator/pseuds/Sarah_translator)




End file.
